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I've felt all week that lump growing in my throat and knew that at some point I was going to have one of those "ugly cries" that I have to have ever so often. I call them "threaputic" becuase I always feel so much better afterwards and I can then pick up and go on. So, you ask, why was this week so emotional.
My Dad preached at our church, First Baptist, this morning and it was his first time to preach there since Mom died. He has preached two other times since her death, but they were at two other local churches. I knew that it would probably be an emotional time for him, because any other time he has preached at First Baptist, Mom was sitting right there in prayerful support of him. She did not always go with him when he supplied at other churches, so I didn't think the other times would be as difficult as today might be. And, it was my first time to hear him preach since Mom's death.
As he stepped up to the pulpit, I felt as though my heart might break in two. The tears began to flow and and while I knew I would pull myself back together, I struggled. Tommy put his arm around me and my sweet daughter in law took me by the hand. Those two acts let me know that I would be okay and I then begin to wrap my head and heart around the message from Romans 13:11-14. What a timely message and how convicting it was to me and my lack of "real" commitment to my Lord and Savior. Reason enough for more tears.
Earlier this week it occurred to me that this year marks the 50th year of Dad's surrender to the ministry. I would love to know in numbers the lives that he has touched through his ministry, not just in message, but in counsel and day to day life.
My prayer is that when Dad has gone on to be with the Lord that I can somehow carry the torch that he is passing on to me with the same conviction that he has carried it all these years.
Yes, it has been an emotional week, but, it's all a part of the healing that is taking place in my life from the void left by the death of one of the greatest women who ever lived, my Mom.
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